Halfway Done

One semester down, one to go ... and I'm still climbing the hill.

My self-evaluation is this: I could do better. Right now, I'm just amazed at the pace with everything. It's taking me by storm, which leaves me with a feeling of disorganization. It's justified, especially when I have my students wondering when I'm going to grade their assignments. It's just that I'm so fucking tired at the end of the day that I could die!

The principals, both senior high and middle school, think that I'm doing a wonderful job, according to my evaluations through observation. I'm not a big fan of constructive criticsm, but I should learn to accept it. I'm not saying that they're bashing me or anything through their reports -- but I just get this feeling that I'm just not up to my own potential in the classroom.

I just need to become more organized. Sure, I've heard the stories from several educators saying, "Your first year will be the most difficult..." Well, they're right! It just seems like I'm winging it through, experimenting with what works and what doesn't -- but ultimately, it just seems like I'm losing.

It'll get better. I'm just hoping that my contract is renewed for the next school year. Like all other rural school districts, ours is in a financial crisis. Not a major one, but one that puts a small worry into the back of your head, wondering whether or not a person should start looking elsewhere. Overall, I'm pretty confident that I'll be secure. The administration likes me (through the reports and "word" in the hallways) and I have a good rapport with the students.

Again, I just need to buck up. Be a hard-ass once in a while. Be organized. Then things should be SWEET.

Funny deal-io: I've got students coming up to me left-and-right asking me if they could be my "student assistant." Everytime a person would ask, I would always think of the movie "Road Trip" where that Anthony Rapp-character "Jacob" would be just a little fucker when he was an assistant to that professor.

Nah ... not quite for me. Although I'm flattered by the attention, I'm going to turn every one of them down. I even had a sophomore ask me, which just kind of blew my mind. As it turns out, this particular sophomore just wants to leave school for the hour (it would be my 1st hour, a prep hour) and do whatever. Apparently, according to this sophomore, other teachers would let these "student assistants" go run errands to McDonald's or some shit like that ... I promptly threw the B.S. flag on that.

It's just not what I need. If I let a kid go do whatever, I'm basically responsible for that person and that's something that I don't want to deal with as a first-year teacher.

Sneaky lil' bastards. I almost forgot what it was like back in high school when we tried to play the teacher into the palms of our hands.