Getting Warmer...

...at least. Hopefully my 7th graders can get outside and really start chucking that ball around. But still, they cannot hit the broad side of a barn.

Just last week, I had 3 of my players smoke each other in the face with the baseball -- when playing catch. What's the cardinal rule in baseball? Keep your eye on the ball? Sure, but make sure you have a glove to catch it before it actually strikes your eye.

We had tons of rain over the last few days, so I'm sure the field is still wet. But during the thaw, with many thanks to the geniuses who built the school right on the swamp, it sure stinks -- literally.

There's just a feeling of disorganization around this place. So far, I'm waiting for my baseball schedule. Who knows when we have our first game? At least we've gotten our "away" baseball schedule, with only 4 games on the road this spring. Not bad, compared to the drastic 8th grade football season that I endured last fall.

Speaking of disorganization, I didn't even know it was Daylight Savings until late Saturday. The school has not even changed the clocks yet, which will continue to mess me up all day today.

With confusion running rampant through these stressful times, it sure did not get any better last week. My anxiously-awaited meeting with the high school principal came to go over my evaluation. She occasionally stops in to observe my teaching -- offically three times a school year -- and this particular evalution was a near-perfect one, something that brightened my day just slightly. The only bad point: I have photos from the newspaper up on my walls, showing off achievements in sports and whatever. The only thing missing is the fine arts, like band, choir, anything academic. Apparently, I'm shutting those kids out on the publicity. As I attempted to explain, I just started it, but the other students finished it. There's generally a feeling that band and choir are the "dorky" things to do in this school, so they didn't put those pictures up. It is my fault for not enforcing that, but then are the days in which I REALLY DON'T CARE. It's tough to tell students to do things when 1) they don't take you seriously and 2) they don't respect anything or anybody.

Then, the subject of the budget cuts came up again. It was something that I did want to talk about, but after the conversation, I wished that I didn't hear it. Right now, I'm still here, but I just got this God-awful feeling that I'm not going to be here much longer -- I just had to read between the lines. It just felt like I was being dicked around, not knowing who to trust anymore. At first, we all got the impression that the principals would be the ones making the suggestive cuts to the superintendent and the school board. Now, she tells me that she "doesn't know what's going on." Okay...

But she was all for giving me a good reference if I needed it. It sure sounded to me that I was going to be out the door. Then, I explained that my wife still is going to school here for another year and a half. The principal fires back: "Can't she transfer?"

It's not that easy. Kate's committed to the school here and I'm all for it.

Top that with the rumor that I heard from another first-year teacher who said that all of the Business classes are going to one person...and that's not me.

I have no idea why they are waiting so long. It's starting to seem that the administration here has no regard for the teachers. There are other job openings around the state and in South Dakota, and those closing dates for those jobs are quickly approaching. We cannot "offically" apply elsewhere until we are received of our lay-off notices, due to our obligation to our current contract. Talk about being BENT OVER.

Students every day are even more concerned about losing teachers. When they ask, I give them honest answers. I don't exactly tell them what I'm thinking, but I do tell them this: if I'm laid off, there is the chance that I will not be back teaching again. It's just the lack of the faith and the trust in the system. Every year we hear of the stories of school systems cutting back on budgets -- laying off teachers, cutting programs -- and in some towns, the taxpayers will not chalk up the extra money to keep those teachers and the those programs because they don't have to -- they don't have kids in the district any longer. It's a shitty way of thinking, because at one time, they probably did have their children in the district.

It's taking its toll. I'm losing sleep. My attitude isn't for the better. My motivation and my drive in the classroom is starting to wear down -- and I know it. It's getting to the point where I don't even care. It's unprofessional of me, but I'll guarantee that anybody else in my situation would probably feel the same.

A person like myself, who struggled through college and find a purpose, finally settles down to become a teacher. After being told that the budget is stout and I would be here for a long period of time -- this now, is a fairly traumatic event.