Back to Square-One

I just realized this one day ... I'm back where I was at about 6 years ago, maybe even a little worse off.

I was once livin' the American Dream: going to college, having a part-time job, having a great set of friends in both South Dakota and Minnesota ... partying every weekend. There was always something to do.

Now, although I'm a couple of years into my career choice, I'm coming home to an empty house. The cats are gone, as is most of the furniture. Oh, well ... that's the way the cookie crumbles.

My friends are miles away and it seems like a chore to keep in touch with them. During my more-than-borings, I would usually take trips back to the Home Town to visit with my family and the always-loyal bunch of old-school friends. Now during the weekdays in between the trips to work, I'm usually just stuck with my thoughts and random forms of music -- only if the PS2 wears thin.

I'm not happy with my current situation by any means, but I'm driven by a deeper force, like something's going to get better. But that was the same advice that I followed during the short-lived marriage, so who knows.

But the most enjoyable part of my day is when I actually go to work, interacting with the students and the teachers. Then, I start to dread it all when the final bell rings at 3:15 p.m. Luckily for me, the spring sports are just around the corner and I've already fired up my 7th grade team -- two weeks before varsity -- just because it keeps me from going home.

As much as it bothers me to say this, it's hard not to form friendships with some of the students in my class. There are somedays that I look forward to my prep periods and hope that just someone comes though my door to shoot the shit. Even at school, it sometimes sucks to be alone.

The rumor has been going around school that I will be leaving the district soon and most of the students know about it. The rumor isn't far off the mark as I'm already thinking after my third year in the district I will be looking for "greener pastures". I had one student ask me the other day "where do you see yourself 5 years from now". I was completely floored by the question and in truth, I couldn't even answer it. But deep down, as much as I sometimes dread my own future, things will eventually work out.

And that's how things roll -- once something breaks down, just start over again. It's good advice and I'm on the comeback trail. It's just a matter of time before something or somebody will show me the way and I'm just hoping that day comes soon.