Post #601

It just seemed like yesterday that I laid down Post #500 ... man, the time just flies on by.

But at this moment, I'm a hurtin' unit. I just feel drained, feeling like I haven't slept in ages. I guess I've been trying to get used to working "full weeks" once again, due to state volleyball tournaments and Thanksgiving breaks, now we're back to Monday through Friday all the way 'til Christmas.

It's been a rough week of sorts, down here in southwestern Minnesota. Just this past week, there were 3 teenagers that had passed away: 2 by car accidents, 1 by suicide. The student who committed suicide did go to school in this school district last year, so he had plenty of friends that he had left behind.

Although I personally didn't know this student (I had met him a few times), the shock really didn't hit me hard. But what killed me was watching the other student's reactions from the death. I cannot count how many of my students came into my room during a free period with tears running down their faces ... it kind of made me hurt. I would do anything for my students, but in this case, there was really nothing that I could do.

That just kind of set the tone for the week ... just a tired, sleepy, COLD week. Nothing much to look forward to, except the boy's and girl's basketball games that are now currently underway.

Closing Out The Week

Tired? Just a little bit.

With the first week of school finally coming to an end, already my students are thinking that I'm Attila the Hun.

"Where's the fun, Mr. Tony?"

No longer here, I would reply. Of course, it would mass chaos throughout the room.

It's a new approach, and like I've said before, I'm a much wiser person this year. The students just will not understand it, all of them thinking that this was such an easy class (from what they've heard), but I'm taking a more active approach this year.

Other than that, it's all typical. I'm always tired, no energy in my body around 8:00 in the evenings (a good indicator that I should hit the weight room after football's over with), and added to that the stress and the frustration of being a teacher in which it seems like we're constricted each and every day.

The freedoms of being a teacher/coach are starting to slowly whittle away. It's all purely political -- and it's seems like there is nobody here to defend us.

Add a pinch of personal life to the mix -- and life's no fun at all. I guess that's what adulthood is all about.

In the waning moments of my failed marriage, I received the official court documents from my lawyer (petition, pro se, a copy of the summons) and it just sort of hit me, thinking wow, this is actually happening. It's one thing to think about it and knowing that it's all over and done with, but seeing My Name v. Her Name on a court document -- damn, I just wished it had never gotten to this point.

Even though I had moved on, I guess there was always this faint glimmer of hope ... that this was just some sort of nightmare that I could hopefully wake up from. There are somedays in which I see Kate, when she stops over to pick up some of her things. Sometimes I think it's good to see her, to see her familiar face once again -- but at the same time, it's becoming increasingly difficult to see her, since she is the one who I'm cutting all ties with.

Soon, it will all be over with. As soon as I can get the chance to get to the post office, I can mail back the court documents (with our signatures) and within a week, I'll get my copy back with the judge's signature. Then, it will be completely over.

Yes, it will be an extremely depressing moment, knowing that once-support system is no longer present. But I have the prospect of being single once again, a time for freedom with less responsibilites. All I can do know is look forward to the future (and hopefully a summer filled with more excitement) with a smile on my face.

And oh, we lost our first football game of the season -- my 8th graders played tough, played hard ... but came up one touchdown short.

First Day, Second Year

With summer officially over in my head, things have turned back to teaching.

The first day of school is typically an easy one to deal with. There's meetings between the students and the principal, while I usually sit in on those or otherwise, I'm in my room deciding on what to do!

I had the fear that I was so unprepared for the first day -- but on the other hand, it wasn't so bad. As they say, the second year is usually easier than the first, and so far, they're right.

Of course, I've got some characters in my classes, but with my updated classroom management skills and being the wiser person that I am, I'm not really in the mood for anything pulled against me this year. Last year, I was quite the pushover. Now, they're getting a new Mr. Tony.

I basically laid the law down with these guys, as I took a few pages out of the new principal's book, who is very conservative in his way of administrating. I've come to the realization that I'm here to do a job to the best of my abilities. If the students don't like it, tough. It's my way and that's that.

My past experience through the summer has really taught me that a person shouldn't take much for granted. It's made me a wiser person, a more mature person -- making me see things in a new light. Although I doubt I will be in P-Town much longer (thinking about private sector-action, more on that later), I still have a job to do and I'm not going to let me students just "eek" by.

But, I'm still personable, hoping that I can still be approachable when a problem arises. I'm there for the students, doing what I can do to hope that these students succeed. I'm not going to sugar-coat anything.

It's just amazing reflecting on myself: how one person can change over a course of a year. It's extremely beneficial.

"Work In Your Rooms..." Day

For some reason, there was just so little to do for our in-service this year. Last year, it seemed like we had something going on every single minute of the day.

With the exception of yesterday, this in-service was a breeze, and at the same time, a bore. We are required to be at school for these in-services, but I have to laugh at these "work-in-your-rooms" days because it seems like they've run out of ideas to lecture us teachers on.

It just seems during these do-nothing days, you can kick back and watch a little SportsCenter or whatever. Nobody cares, just as long as you're in your room and you "look" like you're doing something. Today, I was actually trying to get something done, since I'm planning the work-based learning program this year and I had to coordinate a meeting for the parents and students participating that was held tonight.

Once I found something to do, it was amazing how the time flew by. Soon, I was counting the minutes and was soon pressed for time to get things typed up, printed off, copies made, so on and so forth. Before I knew it, it was 3:15 p.m. and I had to do some coaching.

Everybody was like that today, at least I wasn't the only one. I'm still not satisfied about things around the school and I still need a lot of things to be done, but everybody's like that. I'm upset that I don't have a software program installed on my computers, I'm upset with the state's educational standards, I'm upset at the school's financial situation, I'm upset with my personal life.

After a great rebound from a horrible summer with a great month of August, I'm sorry to see it go. But at the same time I'm welcoming the month of September with optimism and confidence -- a second-year teacher with a re-newed and wiser look on life. I just cannot take nothing for granted any longer.

"How's the football team doing, Tony?" you might ask. Solid, I reply.

Like I've said before, this 8th grade bunch is a very physical group of boys. I had most of them last year in 7th grade baseball and my expectations are high. Today, we just started some full-contact offense versus defense and already, I've got some kids who come to hit. Sure, you've got a few here and there that are complete "marshmellows," but they too, are getting better.

Our running game is already unsurpassed and these guys are outright smart. It took almost until the 2nd to the last game of the season last year for guys to know the plays and already, this team knows all the plays for one formation (10 in all). I've "dumbed" it down, made it simpler, and maybe that was our problem last year.

I'm looking forward to our game next Thursday as we open at home.

A Day I Won't Get Back

Kill me now.

Meetings. Networking. Blah-blah-blah-ing.

Sitting. Sweaty palms. Fidgeting.

Headaches. Walking. Getting lost at the worst university ever. Who built this fuckin' place?!

I'm actually thinking of a career change -- I know I'm over-reacting. But I'm a gutsy-mother-fucker. I'm going to tough it out.

My beef? This endless, pointless, mindless sessions. Let's just get back to the nitty-gritty and start doing what we're trained to do: TEACH.

While I'm ranting, my right knee is killing me -- it has ever since the city league softball tournament. I just can't figure it out. My hamstring is killing me and my knee sometimes "pops" something fierce. Great, just great.

Thank God Labor Day is around the corner. I can celebrate a day that dedicates itself to work by not working.

I'm heading back to the Home Town for some last-minute fun, do another Fantasy Football draft, drink some beer and kick it.

Hopefully the hot tub's in.

Nooch.

In-Service

In life, there is nothing more boring to a teacher than an in-service day. Unfortunately for us, we get 3 days in a row of in-service days before the actual school year starts.

What does an in-service day consist of? Meetings. Meetings that, according to the schedule, it'll take an hour to get through a certain matter. 5 minutes into a meeting, it's over.

"Go back to your rooms and work, folks!"

Things will be run a little bit differently this year due to a change in the administration. We have a new high school/middle school principal this year. Will things change for the better? As far as coaches go, things seem to be a little bit easier so far. The new guy, who has been an administrator for the past 16 years, knows what he's doing.

As for me, I'm not going to take it easy this year. I've got one year under my belt -- something which was short of a disaster -- but it was a learning experience for me. I'm going to give off a "cooler" attitude this year, meaning that I won't take much crap from anyone. I'm already showing it on the field -- and it's going to carry on over to the classroom.

It's ironic that I've got hoards of students signing up for my classes, thinking that they're slack, but they're going to be in for a treat!

The Advice Giver

My, the tables have turned.

After the past couple of months where I had turned to friends and family about understanding and acceptance, now I have already been approached by high schoolers for advice about their relationship problems.

In this certain situation, I have to be extra careful. I was dealing with a female who is a senior this year. She dated a guy who is at college now and they just recently broke up earlier this summer. But she is still carrying the torch for this guy, even though she again just recently dated (and broken up) with another guy just this past month.

Now, how in the hell am I supposed to approach this? Tell her of my past experiences? That wouldn't work, because I can only give her a man's point-of-view. Instead, I took the safe route: I told her to follow her own instincts. In my opinion, she'll be hurt by this situation, but I refrained to tell her that. She's young (only 17) and she simply needs the experience. Instead of cutting corners, she simply needs to go through those situations herself -- and that's what I told her.

Although I appreciate the fact that there are some students out there that can see me as a person who can be trusted, I'm the last person to come to about relationship advice, especially at the high school level. One reason why I became a teacher/coach is to pass on "words of wisdom" regarding morals and knowing the difference between right and wrong. With relationships ... well, that's a whole new ballgame and they should figure that one out for themselves.